You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
