The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
