On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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