Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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