it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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