3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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