Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
