a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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