Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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