She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
