she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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