The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
