I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
