If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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