im six kinds of drunk right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
