you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
