its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
