So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
