Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
