he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
