he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
