if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
