I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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