Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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