the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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