So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
