this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
