Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
