cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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