Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I FOUND THE LEGS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
