who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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