Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
