I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
