He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
