Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
