I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
