She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
