I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
