a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
