the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
