Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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