we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
