I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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