Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
