Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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