I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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