I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
