Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
