Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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