the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I won the penis lottery.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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