Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
