I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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