8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
