You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
