I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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