remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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